It's Christmas Eve. Finally. I wait for this day every year, oddly enough. I've never considered myself to be a "family" person, particularly, but I look forward to Christmas all year long. I guess it's because my family is hilarious and unconventional. I'm sure everyone can say their family is "crazy" and "abnormal" or something of the like, but I can probably guarantee that not too many people can say they've listened to their grandmother tell a story about how the first time she met grandpa's family his sister grabbed her boobs. Or how grandpa would share sexual stories with his fam and embarrass the shit out of her. Or how, infront of my dad, I asked my aunt and uncle how their trip to Vegas was and her immediate response was "You're gonna get laid." I just shake my head and laugh.
Three years ago, my aunt gave me a gift card for a tattoo and a penis-shaped sucker for Christmas. My grandma's response? "You can suck on that while you're getting your tattoo." Thanks for that, grandma. Two years ago, my grandma gave me red lacy panties. Somehow they ended up being used as a sling-shot to hit people with. One year my grandma got drunk and fell in the snow on our way to see the lights in the park, as is our tradition every year. Since then, she has refused to drink more than 2 glasses of wine, no matter how hard we try to get her drunk again.
Anything sexual is definitely a topic that surfaces every year. I learned what an "angry dragon" is one year (Google it) and what benefit pineapples have on sperm another year, both from my aunt, of course. For some reason these conversations are not awkward. They're just hilarious. It makes for good stories till we're all laughing so hard we can't breathe. My cousins and I always look at eachother in the middle of this hilariousness and say that no one ever believes that our family is like this. We have to warn our boyfriends that they might be hit on, in a non-creepy way of course, or have to listen to grandma tell us how much fun she had in Vegas with the Chippendales. Or how she had too many Long Island iced-teas at the cottage and "backed the tree into the car"--her exact words. Clearly she was probably tippin back that wine bottle when we weren't looking before she told that story.
We also have a fully stocked bar. That might explain where these crazy stories come from, but I swear we haven't even been drinking (much) when they start. My aunt always arrives with at least 6 different bottles of alcohol. This year her and I agreed to have a little Jager. I've also set up Twister, so it should definitely be an interesting night. No shortage of fun here. Maybe we'll watch Family Feud and laugh our asses off as grandma starts shooting off all the different terms for marijuana like it's her business (it happened).
Merry Christmas :)
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